Keeping a Good Resolution

Making new plans, wanting to do things differently, often has to do with taking better care of your health: you may want to eat healthier, snack less, quit smoking or drinking alcohol, move more or exercise, or allow yourself to do something enjoyable more often or relax more (like reading, doing yoga, or walking).

Whether it’s January or any other month in which you’ve enthusiastically started something new and have the resolution to actually stick with it and make that change. And you notice, looking back on the past weeks, that what you intended to do, you have actually done less often or maintained. Possibly with all sorts of associated negative thoughts and feelings about yourself: what a wimp I am, you see now that I can’t do it, you’re fat and unhealthy, now that you’ve had this glass of wine you might as well keep going, it’s too late, ruined, unrealistic… etc.

In this blog, you will read how you can ensure that new plans succeed.
With a step-by-step plan to enhance your self-esteem and thereby resist temptations, along with exercises and tips for a healthier life.

How to Keep a Good Resolution

Living healthier through willpower is truly quite a challenge, where the prohibition only makes it more attractive and irresistible. A trigger that makes you do precisely what you are trying so hard not to do. Like that ‘pink elephant’ you aren’t supposed to think about right now ;-). Resulting in all sorts of negative and critical thoughts about yourself.

Do you recognize this? Take comfort, you are not alone.

Besides willpower, there is another way to learn how to take care of yourself, which has to do with self-esteem. The more self-esteem you have, the easier it is to make changes and maintain them. And there is an exercise to increase this. How nice is that!

This other way may not be as spectacular, but it is very achievable: it happens in small steps and is very effective in the longer term!

Resisting Temptation…

People differ in how well they can resist temptation and how they handle it when they do not stick to their own resolution (even if only for a moment).

Research has shown that people with a happier childhood and upbringing have more self-control and social skills as adults. They carry a well-filled backpack of self-esteem as it were. If you are lucky, you received a well-filled backpack full of qualities from your upbringing, your genes, and positive experiences. And the fuller that backpack is with qualities, the better you can take care of yourself.

The idea behind this is: how you think about yourself can be visualized as a barrel. The liquid in that barrel is self-esteem, the emptiness consists of self-criticism and negative thoughts. On this basis, a -now tried-and-true- method has been developed, which was originally used against addictions, and which also works very well in practice for adopting a healthier lifestyle.

To maintain something, appreciation works better than punishment. The tried-and-true method states that you change your behavior more easily and make better choices when you manage to increase your self-esteem. In other words: you can take better care of yourself if you can also be kind to yourself. You don’t have to exercise to punish yourself for snacking, but because you want to take good care of yourself.

The idea behind such a well-filled backpack of self-esteem is that there is no room for self-criticism when the backpack is filled with qualities. The lower someone’s self-esteem, the greater the influence of the negative part, or the Inner Critic. You are more critical of yourself, leading to built-up tension, excessive worrying, and less ability to maintain good resolutions: a vicious cycle.

People with more self-esteem feel less unrest and less stress, experience more control over their lives, have better self-control, and make smarter choices for themselves. Also, if they have a little too much wine or eat two cookies during a visit, they are less likely to judge themselves harshly and fall into repetition less easily.

I see this in my practice as well: when clients can be kinder to themselves and gain more self-esteem, other processes and wishes also proceed more easily. Coaching brings you knowledge, insight, and tools. Energetic therapy helps you to uncover deeper causes and patterns and to free yourself from them. This creates peace and space for a different choice.

Self-Esteem by Being Kind to Yourself

The good news is that you can fill yourself with self-esteem. You can ‘practice’ being kind to yourself.

Exercise

Step 1

With a very simple exercise, you sustainably increase your self-esteem: give yourself a compliment three times a day for simple things. It can truly be for anything, for example: making yourself a nice cup of tea, unloading the dishwasher, feeding your pet, etc.

It’s not about complimenting yourself for what you do or have done, but for the fact that you notice this about yourself. You are literally giving yourself a pat on the shoulder, and this is very encouraging. By not striving for a sense of fulfillment, but merely rewarding the observation of the action with “Good that I notice this,” the task becomes easier.

And because these are such ordinary tasks, it is very approachable and achievable. Your mind isn’t really lingering on it, you’ve already done it, and you can compliment yourself for that. This can also be casual or afterward so that it feels more natural.

Do it three times a day and keep it up for two weeks. Make “Good that I notice this” your mantra. That’s all.

After a few weeks, the barrel will be more filled and the unrest will decrease. This task activates something in the emotional brain, allowing you to notice improvements in various areas of your life. The pats on the shoulder don’t need to relate to the goal you’ve set for yourself, the resolution you had/have. On the contrary, you can completely set that resolution aside. Once your backpack is fuller with self-esteem, you will naturally start making choices that are better for your body and mind.

In general, items in the realm of self-care will change. People can manage their emotions better, let go more, or plan better, become more empathetic towards themselves and others, and gain more control over their behavior. Initially, it may be small changes that occur, perhaps not even things you notice: that instead of cookies, you bought an apple, or instead of one bottle of wine, you drank one glass.

Step 2

At the moment you cross the line and do something you didn’t want to do, the next step comes into play: you continue to compliment yourself, but now by rewarding negative feelings, such as irritation, anger, or shame. To be more precise: you reward the recognition of the unwanted situation. Again, by saying: ‘Good that I see this’. Because the negative feelings you have empty the barrel, which then leads to the tendency for self-sabotage that results in more eating, drinking, or smoking. To keep the barrel well filled, you give yourself another pat on the shoulder. You are not perfect. It’s okay. ‘It’s good that I see this.’

This helps you develop a perspective of (more) compassion and appreciation towards yourself. Thus, you can also adjust your behavior more easily: you recognize your own tricks better, allowing you to make another choice more easily (do something else, do something at a different time, etc.).

Help

Everyone can start working on this very well by themselves.

However, there is a great pitfall of falling back into your old behavior, simply because learning new behavior is not so easy and takes time. So if you feel that you could use some help, as a little support or a push, ask for it. Find someone who thinks along with you and supports you. Someone who asks you how it has gone and what you need.

Because recognizing and especially appreciating the small steps you have (really) already made can be so challenging, as they are often so small. For a coach, therapist, or just a friend, this can be easier to see or notice: when someone has lost 200 grams, that person might not be so satisfied, but a coach/therapist knows that patterns are not so easy to change and that it is therefore a significant achievement. Those small steps are really very relevant! Drawing attention to this is very supportive, and they often notice that leaps are also made in other areas, which greatly increases the success of your process. 

Keep building your self-esteem, even if you have achieved your goal (and chances are that you are already doing this quite naturally). Because self-esteem is just like common sense: you can never have enough of it :-).

Exercise for Change

Take a moment to reflect on the most important reason(s) why you want to live healthier: what is the ‘urgent necessity’?
Take your time to answer the questions below as thoroughly as possible. It will help you gain insight.

1. What is the ‘urgent necessity’ to change?
Clearly articulate why you want to change your lifestyle.
What that reason is doesn’t matter, as long as it is important to you.
For example: I want to become fitter and more energetic and feel better about myself. Or: I have back problems and know that I need to move more to remedy that.

2. What does the desired situation look like?
Let your thoughts explore what you would like to achieve. How would you feel in a year if it succeeds? Describe that future image in detail. What would you be able to do better? How would you feel and behave? How would you look?
For example: when I go cycling on vacation next year, I’ll have enough energy and fitness to cycle all day long. I enjoy the surroundings and feel good.

3. What could it bring you in the long term if you live healthier?
For example: if I feel fitter, I can look for a job that challenges me more and pays more. Or: if I eat healthier, I can concentrate without guilt on the things I find important in my life.

4. And now for the dark scenario: what could happen if you do not adjust your lifestyle? How would you feel next year?
For example: my fitness would decline, making it impossible to take long walks. I would remain stuck in my current job because I wouldn’t have the energy to pursue other options. I would continue to eat too much and feel guilty about it continuously.

5. What is therefore the most important reason to improve your lifestyle?
Formulate this in one or two powerful sentences.

TIPS
Make yourself less tempted by the following small adjustments:

Supermarket

• Make a list in advance and stick to it.

• Buy no more than you need:

  • leave bulk packages on the shelf, because what you don’t have at home, you won’t eat;

  • don’t buy treats for ‘possible visitors’ or unexpected occasions.

At Home

• Keep tempting treats out of sight and out of reach.

• Ensure that food is not lying around in various places so you don't continuously encounter it.

• Have plenty of ‘healthy snacks’ (cucumber, tomatoes, fruit) in the house.

General

• Want to drink more water? Put a bottle where you can see it and empty it throughout the day.
  Know that your body doesn’t easily distinguish between hunger and thirst. So if you feel hungry, first drink a glass of water and then determine if you’re still hungry.

• Want to move more? Start right away in the morning, or place your gym bag by the door.

• Find a buddy and do it together. Encourage and help each other.